drivelblog.com

A man was reading his papers when his wife hit him round his head with a frying pan.

“What was that for?”, the man asked.

The wife replied, “There was for the piece of paper with the name ‘JEANNIE’ on it that I found in your pants’ pocket.”

The man said, “When I was at the race last week, “JEANNIE was the name of the horse I bet on”.

The wife apologized and went on with her housework… three days later while the man was watching TV, his wife bashed him on his Head with an even bigger frying pan, this time, knocking him unconscious. Upon regaining conciousness, the man asked why?

The wife replied, “Your HORSE phoned”.

Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don’t think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
…………………………………………………………
Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don’t know maths.
Ted: You don’t know my father!
……………………………………………………………
Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
……………………………………………………………
Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can’t make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
……………………………………………………………
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were Watching TV in the living room.
Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, Then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter: It’s mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn’t say anything.
……………………………………………………………
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
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Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
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Waiter: I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg.
Customer: Don’t tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
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Teacher: Simon, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!
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Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That’s why I say she’s no good!
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Teacher: “Where were u born?”
Student: ” Singapore , Sir.”
Teacher: “Which part?”
Student: “All of me, Sir.”
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A teacher was asking her class: “What is the difference between ‘unlawful’And ‘illegal’?” Only one hand shot up.
“Ok, answer, Joan” said the teacher.
“‘unlawful’ is when u do something the law doesn’t allow and ‘illegal’ is A sick eagle.”
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Teacher: “How come you do not comb your hair?”
Ah Kow: “No comb, Sir.”
Teacher: “Use your dad’s then.”
Ah Kow: “No hair, Sir.”
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A boy came home from school with his exam results.
“What did u get?” asked his father.
“My marks are under water,” said the boy.
“What do u mean ‘under water’?”
“They are all below ‘C’ level”